My Little Angel

                                      ‘My Little Angel’

The thoughts shared in this post are truly the deep reminiscences of the emotional upheaval I go through every time I let my thoughts wander of to my teens. Crammed with memories of these murky shadows of my childhood that seem to haunt me wherever I go.
Nights I have spent distraught unable to take her face out of my mind, a face that showed my murkier side to me…How could I hurt the one sweet angel who crossed her paths with mine and gave me the privilege to share her life which I till date worship as the golden era of my life.

                                                              

'I hold onto her in thoughts'

This chirpy chubby adorable little soul who adorned my life during those wonderful transition years when every girl jus starts blossoming to sense the first showers of teenage. No head was left unturned as she made her way through the school hall corridors. I could hear the girls muttering on the beauty this girl possessed at such a young age and I could feel the horror that was striking them as they imagined this girl during her teens and the number of hearts that would throb for her.                                             

For many Beauty and Brains don’t coexist but for her it did. All wanted to be was to be associated with her somehow. Some wanted to be her teacher, Some wanted to be her sister, Some wanted to be her best friend or at least make it to her list of friends and some waited for her to jus glance at them. Her exclusivity made it more craving for some.

Destiny brought me close to her. As days passed it seemed to everyone we were best of buddies and could never be parted for life. Everyone envied our friendship. All laurels were seen coming my way be it sports, cultural or academics. It was like a Midas touch. She touched my life and it was raining success…I worked harder to prove my worthiness so that she stays with me forever as my Best friends.

As all good things do come to an end eventually, a debacle soon did happen which I didn’t know then would rip me apart for years to come.

We were hitting the most exciting phase of Human life ‘Teens’ and lots of newcomers in the school brought what I now know, was Insecurity. Clouded with fears of losing my friend to these newcomers who seemed to possess overwhelming personalities, dragged me to hell. I knew I could never grow out of her if she ever abandons my friendship. Desperate attempts to let no one near her brought out the evil in me.

The unusual life style this girl led had always kept me in deep mystery. High society and their lifestyles was something I was never exposed to. Loving mom always by my side and a concerned father protecting me was what I grew up with. Expensive playthings to play around, exquisite dress to adorn and always buried in a huge pile of fictional books was the life she was filled with. She seemed to live a fairy tale life, which I wasn’t particularly interested in.

What always filled my curiosity were her parents who hardly I got to see. They peeped in once in a while into her room, got her presents and left giving her a huge hug.

I knew I shouldn’t have but I went around talking about these little details of her life, which I got to see, to the girls whom I thought were potential threats hoping that they would stay away if they knew that she led a cryptic life. Hopes never fade and sometimes betray us so much that we are never given a chance to revive from it. Ripping some one apart is so easy I knew this when that little soul cried out on why I had been mean to her. Why did I let out the details of her life, which she never intended others to know? Little did I know that it would hurt her so much! It pained to see her cry.

       'It pained to see her cry'

Days I spent unable to look up straight into her eyes. What I dreaded was finally happening before my eyes. The walls of trust, love and bond we held for years were falling apart and I knew I was going to be caged forever in this solid dust of solitude that was to follow.

I still remember the morning I got a call in my landline from her. It was after so many days I was getting a call from her. Little did I know that it was my doom day. She was leaving the school and the city. She said it was her

parent’s decision. I was left with no choice but to bid her adieu. Never did I get a chance to tell her how much I like her and what she meant to me.bcos all I was before her now was a ‘Traitor’ a defaulter of all the trust she had on me. If she stayed I could have at least had the chance to win the trust back but now she was leaving miles away.

The last I got to see her was a few years later. We met but she was never the same with me I knew I had lost her forever. It pained to hear when I knew that she was in touch with those girls whom I treated as potential threats. They weren’t threats actually they were just a bunch of nice girls who never knew what she was for me ‘My little princess’

Years have passed but I have never grown out of her, I frantically search for her in social networking sites. She seems to be nowhere. As far as I knew her she could never live a life without friends and networking but why she s missing from all those sites has kept me worried. Paths of life made me meet new people…made new friends who adorn my life till this very day. Life has moved on but when I sit back and glance at the only few memoirs that I have of hers’ ‘A photo of us at a Game Park’ and a packet of wildlife Treasury cards she presented me while we were kids. As my memories drift I sense a deep pain when I realize that I did have a wonderful childhood friend but lost her, forever or not I m not sure. These 14 years seem long enough to say ‘Forever’ maybe.

' A search that continues is a ray of hope that never ceases to end in Mankind for that gives him the reason to live..for some its a search for destiny, for some its a search for belonging'